Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Hug Cycle

When I was little, I always thought that the way to fix things was through hugs. I was torn apart when I upset a friend of mine and I had no tools in my mental toolbox to comfort her. All I knew to do was hug her, and it was not what she wanted/needed. I was at an complete loss and felt atrociously guilty for causing the problem, and then making it worse by trying to fix it. Thus started a 'Hug Cycle'. I'd feel like I upset my friend, and want to apologize, so I'd hug her, she'd get more upset and push me away. I'd see that she was more upset, so I'd hug her...And so on and so forth.

My hypothesis is this: My love language is touch. Touch, such as hugging, brings me happiness and comfort, and when I was a kid I thought everyone received love in this way. Of course, that isn't true, people express and receive love in many different ways, and for some people hugging them can be offensive. Such is life.
Unfortunately, hugging to apologize has now turned into profuse expressions of "I'm sorry" over and over and over again until, no matter how sincere I am, the words hold no meaning. I admittedly do the same when I say "Thank you". I mean it every single time I say it, but when said too many times, people seem to no longer feel the gratitude. 
Currently, I'm working on different coping mechanisms to find a happy medium of expressing my gratitude, or my apology, without cheapening the expression and leaving it at that.

Feel free in the comments below to express your ways of showing gratitude and/or apology.

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