Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Broken Bones Make A Broken Heart

                                 (Not my picture, just a picture of Kelly (Left) and me (Right) fighting.

I'd rather die than be permanently injured.

I've been told that I need to take a break, let it heal, back off, take it easy.

The only time I'm okay with slowing down is when I know that it will prevent further injury and allow me to keep going.
Skepticism fills my head when people tell me to stop, as there are only a couple of people I know who push themselves as hard as I do.
I will never stop doing what makes me happy to be alive.
I've taken a break from things that are physically excruciating, (due to my broken foot, such as rock climbing) and I regret it everyday. It hurts when I think about how I've lost every bit of conditioning and special muscles I built up training to be better at my chosen skills. When I can climb again, for instance, I'll be starting at ground zero. For a third time.

"Never give up on what you can't go a day without thinking about"

Often, I feel the desire to play soccer, go running, play basketball, tennis, rugby, the list goes on, and I cry when I realize that I can't. I go to chiropractors, doctors, acupuncturists, specialists, and my heart is broken every time they end up referring me to yet another person because they cannot help me.

I am very happy, but if I cannot ride my motorcycle, play sports, fence, climb, run, do what I absolutely love, I do not know how I will find happiness again.

That is my only fear. Not a fear of death, but a fear of not being able to live..

Smile for me, Baby

 I've taken to calling bullshit on both street harassers and miscellaneous douche bags alike. When going out in public, I will get harassed if I'm alone about 90% of the time. Tonight, I was running Favors on my motorcycle, which is one of my jobs, and I not only watched other women get cat calls, but I'd get men hanging out of their cars and yelling nonsense like "Puuuussssyy!!", making kissing noises, etc. Whenever possible, I've turned to them and said "Darlin', that doesn't even make any sense". And it works. They back peddle. It's bizarre.
Tonight, I walked up to a stranger and asked him if he knew of a coffee shop nearby that was still open. He proceeded to say "Baby, you lookin' to drink some coffee? I know exactly where you should go", asked if he could get coffee with me, said yes he knew of a place, and then was not really able to tell me where it was, or the name, or anything actually useful. Eventually, I walked away from him saying "I guess you can't help me. Thank you though. " He then proceeded to ask me for a dollar. When I shook my head, he started to say "I hope you crash on your motorcycle" "I hope you die" "I hope you get hurt." I turned around, and said "That doesn't even make any sense. First, you hit on me, ask me out for coffee, and now you wish me bad luck? What the hell are you talking about?" He then went on to shout random compliments at me, saying " I hope God blesses you", "I hope the angels smile upon you.", "I love you", etc, etc. When he started to walk up to me and reach towards me, I ended up doing something that I thought was the best idea at the time: I pulled out my phone, and said "I'm going to have to call the police on you darling if you come any closer to me." He stopped, turned around, and walked away. Everything was over! It actually worked! Every time I've told these guys that they are simply ridiculous, they have actually fucked off.
Perhaps speaking up will help you too. Feel free to share your experiences with harassment in the comments below.